Long Distance Relationships: Why I’m Always in One No Matter Where I Live
Hi, my name is Sailor, and if we have never met before, I am a girl in my 20s navigating a long-distance relationship between two continents. My boyfriend lives in France, and I am originally from the United States.
Managing a long-distance relationship with him is challenging enough, but nothing could have prepared me for what it is like to navigate a second long-distance relationship: the one with my family back home.
My Family
I come from a very close and loving family in California. I have two older brothers and incredibly attentive parents, not to mention my two-year-old dog and my guinea pigs, who I had to leave behind as well.
I have always been close with my family, and until recently, I was still living with them.
My mom and I love going shopping together, grabbing lunch, or just taking fun drives around town. My dad and I have always had an excellent relationship too. Running errands and watching our favorite shows together has always been our way of connecting.
One of my brothers lives in France right now, but by the time you are reading this, he and his wife will have already moved back to California. My other brother still lives with our parents, and I really miss our funny banter sessions.
And that is just my immediate family. I have not even mentioned my 100-year-old grandpa, who I miss dearly every day, or my aunts and cousins, who I used to see almost every weekend.
Visiting
I am fortunate that my family has the means to come visit me here in France when they can. Just this past October, my brother and parents came to visit for a few weeks, and we traveled all around Normandy to places like Rouen, Gisors, Pont-Audemer, Fécamp, Étretat, and even Saint-Malo.
Those memories are unforgettable and something I will cherish forever.
I hold onto those moments tightly and dread the day I have to watch them head back home. Being away from my family has shown me just how important it is to be close to them.
Of course, we do the usual things like FaceTime calls and texts whenever possible, but nothing replaces the feeling of actually being together.
Missing Events
The hardest part about being in a long-distance relationship with my family is missing out on all the important events.
Christmas is just around the corner, and I have never spent one without my family by my side. I am already heartbroken thinking about not being there on Christmas Eve, eating our traditional Christmas lasagna with all my cousins.
With my parents getting older each year, I cannot help but wonder how many more Christmas dinners we will still have together.
And it is not just Christmas. I have missed birthdays, holidays, and countless family gatherings that I will never get back. My family has also missed so many moments from my life here, like when I got my wisdom teeth removed, celebrated anniversaries, and even my own birthdays.
Growing Up
As you get older, you start to realize just how important family truly is and why.
Living on my own has made me appreciate the love and support of my family more than ever. Sure, many people live far from their parents while building their own lives, but for someone like me who has never lived alone before, it can feel quite lonely.
Even a simple phone call home can be a challenge with a nine-hour time difference. Staying connected requires intentional effort and planning.
I have grown up and matured so much since moving away, learning to be independent and self-reliant. But the child in me still wishes I could be with my mom and dad on the hard days.
Creating and building a life of your own is part of growing up, but that does not make being far from home any easier.
My Reality
If I live in France, I am far from my family.
If I live at home, I am far from my partner.
No matter where I am, I am always in some form of a long-distance relationship.
To stay close to my family from afar, I try to:
- Schedule time to call or FaceTime them. Time zones are no joke.
- Send postcards from places I visit. It helps me feel like I am sharing those moments with them.
- Plan future visits. Knowing we have tickets booked gives me something to look forward to.
- Be patient with myself. It is hard being far from family, and it is okay to have sad or lonely days.
Living apart from my boyfriend is one challenge, but living apart from my family is another kind of heartbreak entirely.
Staying connected and being a proactive communicator is the best way to make sure we do not fall out of touch and that we continue sharing life’s most important moments, no matter the distance.